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Kathryn Janicek

Why it’s important to limit distractions during online and in-person meetings

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Have you ever found yourself distracted by someone’s virtual background, be it a cluttered kitchen or an unmade bed, to the point where their words become a distant murmur? It’s a common experience in the era of virtual meetings, and it highlights the importance of creating a focused environment for effective communication.

I’ve found one of the biggest distractions to be digital backgrounds. You’re an expert in your field, but when you put up that digital background, your hand goes missing… you lose your ear and chunks of your hair. I passionately protect our clients by begging them not to use filters, company logos, or pictures from their vacations as their background. I don’t want them to look foolish when a body part goes missing. In TV, an entire crew ensures the meteorologist is “keyed” correctly on the green screen. That’s how it’s pulled off so beautifully in the news. You don’t have that crew lighting you and ensuring your entire head is there. Just skip it and have an uncluttered background. Go simple.

Losing a body part because of a digital background is a big appearance blunder. One study I came across revealed a staggering 83% of people believe appearance blunders detract from a woman’s presence, while 76% feel the same about a man’s.

Audio distractions are also issues. A tequila company contacted me,
wondering why their national radio interview wasn’t helping them sell their product. As soon as I listened to it, I knew. Their big-name NHL star spokesman talked while walking through a bustling downtown with sirens blaring and cars honking. His phone notifications were also going off! His message was lost, and the audience was left completely distracted.

Years ago, I saw another big miss. This one stuck with me so much that I still use it as an example. A mayor was on Good Morning America touting her city’s accomplishments. However, her distracting rings clashing against a coffee mug overshadowed the positive message she was conveying. The lesson here is clear — eliminate distractions to ensure your audience remains focused on your message, allowing them to remember and appreciate the meaningful content you deliver.

Mastering the art of distraction-free communication involves being mindful of your virtual environment, maintaining a professional appearance, and eliminating potential disruptions. As you navigate the virtual realm, these principles are key for leaving a lasting impression on your audience.

How to prepare for a job interview or promotion

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You deserve a promotion or a new job.⁠
And you could be doing just one thing preventing you from landing it.⁠
⁠
With job interviews, preparation is everything.
⁠Just as in any other facet of professional life, success hinges on thorough groundwork.

Let’s explore the crucial steps to ensure you look and sound like an expert when interviewing.

  1. Craft Compelling Responses

You can’t craft answers without knowing the questions. Take time to formulate thoughtful responses to commonly asked interview questions. Some people have the toughest time with this one: “Tell me about yourself.” Be ready for it! Consider your experiences, skills, and accomplishments, and how they align with the role’s requirements. By articulating your achievements clearly and concisely, you’ll demonstrate confidence and the fact you cared enough to prepare.

  1. Build Your Narrative

Your professional journey is a story waiting to be told. What experiences and skills define you? Delve into your career and pinpoint key moments that highlight your strengths. Craft a narrative that paints a vivid picture of your capabilities and strengths, illustrating why you’re the ideal candidate for the position.

  1. Find Your Hook

Every memorable story has a hook, a unique element that captivates the audience. Similarly, when preparing for a job interview, you can pinpoint what makes you stand out. It could be a remarkable accomplishment, a unique skill set, or a transformative experience. Your “hook” is what piques the interviewer’s interest and compels them to delve deeper into your story.

  1. Engage Your Audience

Consider what will keep the interviewer’s attention. What aspect of your narrative will leave a lasting impression? Perhaps it’s your innovative problem-solving skills you developed while traveling, your ability to lead teams through challenges, or your knack for adapting to rapidly evolving industries. Tailor your narrative to ensure it resonates with the specific role and company.

  1. Leave a Lasting Impression

In a sea of applicants, what will make them remember you? It’s the distinctiveness of your narrative, the clarity of your responses, and the passion you exude for the role. Leave a mark by showcasing your qualifications, dedication, and most importantly — your enthusiasm.

Preparation is vital for success in job interviews. By meticulously crafting your responses, building a compelling narrative, and identifying your unique hook, you create a narrative that resonates. This narrative, when delivered with confidence and authenticity, will leave a lasting impression on interviewers, ensuring you stand out amongst the competition.

And a bonus tip that’s so so important: remember, in the world of job interviews, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it.

Practice delivering your answers out loud.
What will you say and HOW will you say it?

You’ve got this. Good luck!

Behind-The-Scenes Public Speaking Training for a TEDx Talk with Dr. Katherine Helm

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We all could be more successful in our relationships.

Dr. Katherine Helm is a professor of psychology and a practicing psychologist. She has authored several publications about couples’ issues.

Dr. Helm reached out to me for coaching before her TEDx Talk on how to revolutionize your relationship.

She agreed to let you watch along.

It’s fitting, because she’s a professor, that even in a moment she was being taught, she is teaching – because you can learn from this!

Here is a peek inside our public speaking coaching session.

We talk about facial expressions, why it’s important to get vulnerable, attributions, storytelling, how to make sure the audience doesn’t get lost, and more.

I learned a lot from Dr. Helm – and I know you will too.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode: 

✔️ Have a natural performance quality. Facial expressions can get lost and forced, especially when you’ve practiced the same piece repeatedly. Be conscious as you speak to naturally convey the emotion when needed.

✔️ Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Being on stage is a golden opportunity for you to show your authentic self. Share the most intimate (and necessary) details of your story to create a lasting impact.

✔️ Present real-world examples. Bring the audience closer to your story before they can say, “I can’t relate.” This helps them connect your message to their experiences and deeply understand the core of your speech.

✔️ Assume your audience knows nothing. When mentioning celebrities or prominent figures, give a title or a description so they won’t feel out of the loop. Present all the important facts of your story along with the emotions your past self would have felt. Act as if your audience is your therapist.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are a few more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Need actionable strategies to be a more trusted, authentic, confident, and inspiring thought leader? I just launched a podcast called Thought Leaders Amplified – you can listen to it here.
  2. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  3. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  4. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Secrets of success from a prisoner of war with Major General John Borling

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I’m often flown in to train executives on how to reach people internally and externally better. I teach them how to make deeper connections so they can be more successful.

Sometimes I’m asked if being vulnerable on stage, in the media, or with the people you lead makes you look weak.

I answer: you can’t get people to follow you unless they feel you.

They need to feel your mission, understand it, and know why you’re so hell-bent on accomplishing the goal.

I want to use a real tough guy example to prove my point.

Major General John Borling is one of the strongest men I know.

He was a fighter pilot with the U.S. Air Force and a prisoner of war during Vietnam. He was Senator John McCain’s “roommate” while they were held captive.

He’s now a chairman of a biotech company, a national public speaker, and writes a weekly column.

He knows how important it is to be vulnerable to be an effective leader.

I decided to interview him so I could share this with you.

Major General Borling also shared his advice on dealing with trauma, wrestling with sadness, regret, anger, and loneliness — and succeeding.

He also describes the importance of leaning on others and how he did that to survive 6 ½ years as a prisoner of war, why it’s important to shine a light on your mistakes right away, and knowing when to fight. Great advice from this retired fighter pilot!

You’re going to learn a lot from this conversation. I did.

Here’s Major General John Borling – Secrets of Success From a Prisoner of War.

Here’s what you’ll discover in this episode:

✔️ Just keep marching. Thoreau said, “The mass of man leads lives of quiet desperation. Confirmed desperation is resignation.” John Borling advises to never resign and continue progressing.

✔️ Lean on others. How did John Borling survive 6 ½  years in a Hanoi prison? Talking with others – even between walls. He opened himself up to his fellow inmates’ skills and personalities and learned French in the process.

✔️ Know when to fight. Leaders must accept that they’re also imperfect. That means rest is crucial to avoid burnout. “When the struggle times come, that’s when you do it. You have to get all the altitude you can,” John Borling says.

✔️ Serve beyond yourself. Self-improvement can be for the greater good. But the true meaning of life comes from committing to helping others.

✔️ Look back, but don’t stare. It’s perfectly okay to remember your past traumas and failures. As you wrestle with the sadness, regret, anger, and loneliness, fight as much as you can to move forward.

✔️ Shine a light on your mistakes right away. It’s all part of being human. Pushing it aside will only make it worse. Showing that level of vulnerability propels your credibility as a thought leader.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are a few more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Need actionable strategies to be a more trusted, authentic, confident, and inspiring thought leader? I just launched a podcast called Thought Leaders Amplified – you can listen to it here.
  2. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  3. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  4. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Panicked your Zoom audience is bored? Follow my 3-part framework to alleviate your stress

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The first time I presented after starting my company was a nightmare.

I was terrible.

A major Chicago publisher asked me to talk about how small businesses can land TV interviews. There were about 100 people in the room.

I wasn’t that nervous.

But I felt like I had to prove myself.

So I spit out about three hours of information in about 45 minutes.

It was too much. I was not entertaining. I never told a story. I never paused to let them absorb. I didn’t read body language.

I just “puked” information at them.

How could they absorb it? I was going too fast. There was no way to make an impact.

I sucked. I failed. I was never asked back.

I didn’t let it stop me.

In the seven years since then, I’ve presented hundreds of times.

I’m more prepared now. Audiences learn more from me. I’m more memorable. I’m asked back over and over again.

How can you be asked back and be more memorable when giving a presentation online?

Here’s my 3-part framework

It can feel impossible to have a meaningful connection with your audience online. Some executives think it’s okay to just fly through slides for 45 minutes. It’s not. That’s the easiest way to lose people and not be invited back to speak.

Before Your Presentation

The key to being a successful presenter is changing your mindset from a “speaker” to someone having a conversation with a group of people. But, of course, it’s not a real conversation unless you know them and can see them. Here’s how to do that: Do not present blindly.

Do not present blindly.

  • Empower yourself to ask questions ahead of time about your audience to help you build a better presentation. You need to know them, so you know what to teach them.
  • Ahead of time, practice the technical aspects of Zoom or Microsoft Teams so you can see the faces in the audience. If you can’t see them, that’s a technical problem you need to figure out ahead of time. Invest in a second screen to help you see more windows.

During the presentation

Here’s where the magic happens. Like to dance? We don’t just pick someone up and throw them around the dance floor. You move and your dance partner moves according to your body’s movement. It’s similar when presenting. Here’s how:

Watch your audience.

  • Look at your audience once in a while. You should know your slides well enough that you’re not reading them, and instead, you’re looking at people’s reactions while you’re presenting. This lets you gauge their reactions and adjust as you go. They don’t like that you sped up your dancing feet? You’ll be able to see that and feel it. They will look lost. They’ll start checking their phones. Watch their body language.
  • Don’t be afraid to speak to it directly if you’re losing people. “It looks like I’ve lost some of you – is there a specific question I can answer?” See frowns? Don’t be afraid to speak to that. “I’m seeing many of you may disagree with what I just said. What am I missing?” People will appreciate your honesty, and you’ll be much more effective in teaching the information.
  • Change your presentation in real-time. Your audience is giving you feedback and telling you what they need. You, as the speaker, need to react because this is a two-way conversation.
  • Try to stand if possible. Raise your desk or prop your computer and camera on something higher. This helps get more oxygen to your brain. When you slouch, you compress the space for your lungs, reducing capacity and sending less oxygen to your brain. When you have increased oxygen flowing to your head, your brain functions better, helping you think, focus and concentrate better. If you have to sit, be sure to sit nice and tall in the front one-third of your seat.
  • Be sure to give adequate breaks. If you see people dancing in their seats at that hour spot, provide them with the option of a quick break. They can’t concentrate with full bladders (I do an earlier break for those first thing in the morning presentations).

At the end of your presentation

The end of the presentation is when you share your email and website, right?

No.

The call-to-action is not your closer.

  • If you have an “ask” or a “call to action,” don’t make that the end. End on a solid note they’ll remember. Ending with “go to our website” is not a powerful way to end a presentation.
  • When you do so well, there will be a lot of questions. Do everything possible to finish on time – to respect their time. You can always follow up with the organizers and offer another presentation or send supporting materials to the audience. It would be great to email them within 24 hours while you’re still on their mind.
  • Also, offer the organizers ideas for future presentations. Before you know it, you’ll be back to present to a new group eager to hear what you have to share with them.

You’ve got this!

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are a few more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Need actionable strategies to be a more trusted, authentic, confident, and inspiring thought leader? I just launched a podcast called Thought Leaders Amplified – you can listen to it here.
  2. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  3. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  4. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

How to stop using these 10 filler words when public speaking

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Do you have a problem with those pesky words that come flying out of your mouth when you can’t think of anything else to say?

They’re filler words or crutch words. The “uh’s” and the “like’s” that buy us a few seconds of thinking time when our mouths try to keep up with our brains or vice versa.

Stopping this habit can be a challenge. But don’t fret. I’m here to share my advice on eliminating filler words for good, which will boost your confidence and credibility.

You can learn more in this video: How to stop using these 10 filler words when public speaking. ▶️

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:

✔️ Amplify your voice. Filler words can muffle your message. No matter how passionate you are or how meaningful your mission is, just a few “ums” can diminish your credibility. You’re a confident and eloquent thought leader with a purpose to share, so make your voice and word choice clear.

✔️ Know your piece inside out. The best way to kill filler words once and for all? Preparation. Lots of it. You should know the steps like the back of your hand. Familiarize yourself with your mission and plan exactly how each part of your talk should play out.

✔️ Less confidence causes filler words. Butterflies in your stomach, stage fright, or getting jittery — that’s all quite normal before giving a speech. Allowing nervousness to consume us can lead to poor word choices, such as over splicing our sentences with “like.”

✔️ Get enough sleep. Cliché as it sounds, a healthy 7-8 hours of sleep can increase your reaction time. It also enhances your brain’s ability to fire up with ideas and transmit them to your mouth.

✔️ Lay off the alcohol and sugar. I’ve got nothing against alcohol and sugar, but I’ll never take them before a big speaking gig. These two bad boys cause inflammation and create brain fog. An unclear mental state reduces your speed and sharpness in forming cohesive sentences.

✔️ Keep your mouth closed. If you don’t have anything good to say, zip it — especially if they’re filler words. Get in the habit of taking silent pauses when emphasizing a point or buying thinking time. Those few seconds of dead air would be less distracting than throwing out an “um.”

You’re a confident and eloquent thought leader. Your voice and word choice should be clear and confident.

The world needs your voice.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are a few more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Need actionable strategies to be a more trusted, authentic, confident, and inspiring thought leader? I just launched a podcast called Thought Leaders Amplified – you can listen to it here.
  2. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  3. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  4. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Email or text isn’t enough. A mindset switch to instantly win more customers

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My daughter turned three recently.

I spent a couple of weeks brainstorming. I called my contacts to find the perfect gluten-free cake that would also be over the top beautiful, hunted down the best “mermaid rainbow” decorations I could find at a local stationery shop, and built a menu for the weekend. While working almost 10 hours a day.

And someone identified exactly what was going on in my life that week and acted upon it.

That someone also wants to do more business with me.

Actually, it was two women who saw it. Two business owners I have worked with recently took action. And after they did, I sent them more business and will send them a lot more.

Here’s what they did to win my loyalty and my business

With these seemingly simple actions, I felt taken care of and that they understood me.

  1. They listened to me. The fact that I was planning my daughter’s birthday came up in a call that week. They heard it and took note.
  2. On the day of the birthday, they sent me the most beautiful flowers from a local florist, and with it, the most elegant note. The flowers were not for my daughter. They were for me.
  3. They knew where my mind was at that moment and they reached me. They were implanted in my mind that day — and will be forever now.

When you target your messaging, whether it’s on stage, in a video, on social media, in a media interview, or in a gift – you can win a lifetime client, customer, patient, donor – whatever your goal is.

Incredible things happen when you communicate genuinely

If you genuinely know how to see your customers, talk to them, support them… this is true communication. This is success. This is relationship building. This is lifelong success.

These two business owners celebrated me by sending me unique flowers and very personal note: “… we wanted to celebrate you for being an inspiration in every way as an entrepreneur and a mom. The world is brighter because of you.”

With that, they won my business. They won my clients business forever. They won my trust.

They showed me they not only see me, but they can see my clients because they have the grace and the wisdom to know what people are going through at any given time.

Something to think about this week before you write an email, make a phone call, write a social media post, or create an online presentation or speech.

Or find a creative way to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers of all kinds in your life.

If we can see each other and communicate that – we can make a more significant impact.

We build stronger connections. Build bigger brands. Attract more clients, patients, donors, and employees.

And for my fellow moms waking up at 5 (or earlier) trying to get some personal time before spending the day running a company, managing employees, and making sure you’re present and calm (let’s do our best) with your children each day:

Happy Mother’s Day.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Building common ground is key to reaching your goals faster

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People want to do business with people they know, like, and trust. But what do you do if you’re meeting someone for the first time and want to convince them to do something, such as hire you to speak or buy something else from you?

Those first few minutes are vital in making a solid first impression and earning their trust. The best way to do that? Communicate while quickly finding common ground.

Let me give you two examples I’ve recently used. They’re very different, though both connect to my business.

#1: Old Irving Park women’s business group on Zoom. 

The goal of this Chicago neighborhood group is to connect local female business owners in our area. I didn’t join it to get new business for my company; I did it to support other local women-owned businesses in my community and hopefully make new friends within walking distance of my home.

When I introduce myself to this group during our meetings, I keep it to three easy things to remember and build trust:

  1. What I do in my company, but I focus on how I help business owners and female execs.
  2. My exact location. Since it’s a community group, that makes sense. Plus, my home is on the corner, recognizable to those who walk the neighborhood. It is distinct and helps people remember who I am.
  3. The age of my daughter. I include this to attract advice on schooling and other things I need to know from the moms who either just went through this age or are going through it currently.

#2: The Fortune 500 exec. 

When I met with a prospect on Zoom last week, my elevator pitch was very different. He is an executive in his 50s who needs public speaking training. His company reached out because they saw him speak during their annual meeting, and he needs help before his next appearance. This is my forte. Every company expands my scope after witnessing the results from when I worked with the initial employee they hired me to help. Here’s how I tailored my introduction to this executive:

  1. Many of my past and current clients speak several languages. This person speaks four languages and the fact that he needs to present in his non-dominant language creates some confidence issues. I specifically chose to mention this so he knew I had experience and could successfully help him.
  2. I still needed to find a commonality to build trust. There wasn’t anything specific on his LinkedIn page, so I figured it out on the fly, using my journalism skills. As we spoke, I had a gut feeling he was a dad. So I asked him to share more about himself. It turned out he had three daughters–two professionals in Chicago and one in New York. I had found our commonality!

We had a warm conversation that included business and a little talk about family. He ended the conversation expressing he was hopeful about the chance for us to work together.

Think of it as personalizing your elevator pitch for the needs of your audience and aligning it with your goals.

An effective elevator pitch includes your skills and goals, of course, but more importantly, it should:

  1. Be tailored to your specific audience (you don’t just spit out the same speech each time you introduce yourself).
  2. Be brief. Restrict your speech to 30-60 seconds. It should last no longer than a short elevator ride, hence the name.
  3. Be positive. You could be talking about raising money for a rare genetic disease, but in the end, what is the good news? Can it be cured with the right help?

Landing a memorable elevator pitch gets easier with time. Practice by taking more opportunities to get in front of different groups with varying needs.

I hope to run into you on Zoom or in person soon and hear more about you.

You’ve got this!

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Feeling resistant to something? Trust your gut and see good things happen

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If you have resistance to something this morning, trust your gut and know you feel that resistance for a good reason.

Sometimes we think we must push through, forcing something to happen. I fight this daily now. When I used to force things to go exactly as I wanted them to, even while facing resistance, it usually came at a high cost.

We celebrated Easter a week early. It was my daughter’s third birthday last week. Since my mom was flying in from Florida, I piggybacked Easter right onto the weekend, celebrating Zofie’s birthday on Saturday and Easter on Sunday morning before my mom, sister, and brother-in-law flew out Monday morning.

It was my first time hosting a “grown-up” holiday meal.

My dad died six months ago.

Typically, my parents would have hosted Easter.

This year, I was hosting.

The old me, the one who wanted to control everything and be the absolute best, would have stressed out over every detail of Easter brunch. She would have insisted on every detail remaining the same to honor my parents. Oh, and I didn’t mention: my mother is now blind. She gradually lost sight over the past ten years and cannot see now. So as I mourn the loss of my father and my mother’s ability to see my daughter and her only granddaughter and take her usually active role as the leader of our family, I wanted things to be safe and perfect for her.

The newer me, who I’ve been working hard to become by focusing on my mindset, decided to approach this meal differently. I decided if I felt resistance to something, I would listen to my gut and back off that thing.

I still put my all into planning a wonderful holiday meal. But I also relaxed with many things the old Kathryn would have obsessed over. The things I let go of included:

  • Not attempting to learn how to make Pierogi. I haven’t been in charge of this in the past and knew it would be a huge undertaking to learn.
  • Not making the traditional lamb cake, even though my mom had brought the cake mold for it in her suitcase from Florida. On Saturday night, we decided the leftover cake from Zofie’s birthday would enough.
  • Not running all over the city to find nitrate-free Easter sausage, even though I couldn’t eat the sausage. I don’t even think this exists.
  • Not making my great-grandmother’s Easter bread, which my father had beautifully mastered. It took my dad a long time to perfect this recipe, and this was not the year to add this to my plate. Maybe one of my sisters will take this on. Or maybe not!
  • Not polishing the silver. Clean was good enough for me this time around. I was not going to rush around as my father did each holiday, polishing the silver. Nor would I push my husband to take this on. Clean is enough.
  • Not hiding eggs for my daughter to find. Zofie had her egg hunt this morning, the actual day of Easter. I didn’t want to force/rush that either.
  • Not insisting on my daughter’s afternoon nap, which I’m usually a stickler about each day. She would be fine if she missed it. I didn’t want to rush brunch to fit into her nap schedule.
  • Not doing the dishes right away. A pile of dishes on the counter for a few hours wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

In choosing not to do these things, I trusted that there was a more significant reason that I had felt resistant to them. Very quickly, the reasons became obvious.

  • By not making Pierogi or the lamb cake, I had free time on Saturday night to connect with my husband, who would be leaving the next afternoon for a work trip to Washington, D.C. Our time together helped us stay calm and centered during the next busy morning.
  • By not running all over the city or specially ordering nitrate-free sausage just because I do not eat nitrates, my mom and I had a memory of shopping at an authentic Polish deli. It was fun navigating in a Polish-speaking store. I have many memories of doing this as a child. It was better for me. Even though I didn’t eat the actual sausage myself, my family enjoyed the authentic flavors they love.
  • By not polishing the silver at the last minute as my dad had, I didn’t upset my mom, who admitted that day how much his routine used to stress her out at holiday meals.
  • By not making my Dad’s Easter bread, I made space for the memories we have of his perfect bread. Since I’m not a baker, my bread wouldn’t have tasted like his, and it could have been upsetting to all of us that he is no longer with us.
  • By not having the egg hunt or doing the dishes right after the meal, I spent more time with my family and stayed present when I said goodbye to everyone.
  • Since it was a warm day — a rarity in Chicago in early April — I took my daughter to the playground after my husband left for his flight. Now I’ll always have the happy memory of playing with my 3-year-old on the swing on a beautiful afternoon day instead of wasting the sunlight doing the dishes.

As I played with her, I reflected on what a perfect holiday meal it had been. It turned out that everyone felt the same way, as I got texts from every member of my family telling me what a good time they’d each had. I could not have planned for a better outcome if I had tried, so I’m glad I decided to do less.

The truth is, less often leads to so much more.

More time doing what we love.

More time sharing our gifts with people we care for and who care for us.

More time making memories.

As thought leaders, we need to remind ourselves of this. It can be tempting to say yes to everything — the proposal, the new gig, the big client, the huge interview. But if we feel resistance to it, we must learn to listen to it and honor it.

My business coach frequently reminds me that it’s not necessarily procrastination if we keep putting something off. Instead, there could be a deeper reason when things aren’t coming together effortlessly.

Maybe there’s a better client for us waiting in the wings. Perhaps we’ll need to take time off unexpectedly and will later cancel that speaking engagement. Or maybe we need to bring our 3-year-old to the park so that her earliest memory is of her mom, smiling and gently pushing her on the swing on a beautiful afternoon day.

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P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

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