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Your reaction is your reputation: How to keep your cool when the heat is on

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I was at a dinner party recently with eight other Chicago women. My lawyer hosted it.

When one woman arrived (also a lawyer), she had a Starbucks in her hand and joked, “Who walks into a dinner party with her own coffee?” More on her in a second.

Last week, my toddler had a meltdown in Costco when I wouldn’t let her out of the shopping cart to walk around. I knew I couldn’t let her out to reward her behavior, but she got louder and louder. My husband and I quickly looked at each other, and quite honestly, I gave him the “I’m going to explode” look. And then, my daughter gave me a look that said, “What are you going to do now?” I was embarrassed but more frustrated at her lack of awareness that the store was packed and walking around was not the best option (I know, she’s three.). I took a deep breath. I need her to see healthy ways to handle stressful situations. I want to give her better coping mechanisms and stress management tools than I learned as a child.

I know how I react during stress is how my daughter will perceive me and, in her case, what she’ll copy.

Now back to my lawyer friend who walked into our dinner party with a Starbucks coffee. Two hours later, after the chef presented our main course, my friend mentioned quietly to the two women directly next to her at the table that she was jumping a man’s car before coming over and didn’t have time to shower, do makeup, etc. It only came up because we talked about how we could all make a more significant impact and show our kids how to help our community.

She didn’t walk into the party apologizing for her lack of makeup. She most definitely could have. She just arrived. Calm. With her coffee. It was only later that we heard there was an issue.

What a difference it would have made if she had rushed in dramatically, telling us the story and apologizing to the other women there.

Your reaction is your reputation.

Your reputation with your team, boss, friends, and your family.

Who’s watching you?

What will they remember about you during moments of stress?

People will remember you for who you are in moments of extreme stress. That’s why we have to own that our reaction is our reputation.

How do we prevent a big blow-up and keep our cool?

  1. Take a deep breath through your nose. Make the exhale longer. Use downregulation breathing.
  2. Take time to work out each day. Just MOVE your body.
  3. Put yourself in their shoes; ask yourself why are they coming at you? What might be happening for them that you don’t know? Find your common ground.
  4. Write your thoughts down to get them off your chest, then step away and give it 12 hours. If you think it still should be written, then send it.

We are judged in split seconds.

We can’t control that, but we can control how we show up in those moments.

What is your reputation?

Your team needs you to be a leader. But to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more ways you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Feeling beaten down? How to find your power again as a leader

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We all have seasons in our careers where we’ve been knocked down. It might be getting laid off, having a toxic boss, or losing a business.

The question is: Will you get back up? And if so, how do you start?

One of my clients received a significant industry award this week.

When we started working together a year ago, she felt beaten down and invisible.

She did incredible work inside a big-name university hospital – but she was hiding. She was told she wasn’t good enough and started believing it.

A year later, a huge medical association and the universities she graduated from are recognizing her incredible work.

How I learned to get back up after getting beaten down

I get how this feels and how hard it is to overcome.

Twelve years ago, I was hired by a network to do a specific job: increase and improve output from a team. I got it done. But, I dented some furniture as I did it and was fired.

After starting my company, I let that weigh me down. As a result, it took me a few years to go after some of the biggest projects and clients.

I’m now training leaders in Fortune 100 companies.

How to begin standing in your power again

We are our own worst enemies, reliving something terrible that may have happened years ago. Often, we don’t even know we’re reliving it. We think we’re fine, but trauma is tricky to navigate, and something as simple as a phrase can trigger us, bringing us back to that moment when we felt small.

I hired business coaches.

I also work with a trauma-informed therapist (she helps many of my clients now).

They helped me overcome experiences of my past.

In addition to exploring your past traumas, I recommend practicing self-care for your career. Here’s a few things to include:

  1. Update your LinkedIn profile. Many people I’ve worked with leave it frozen in time as if they’re stuck in that moment when the terrible thing happened. And yet, they’ve done incredible things that need to be publicly displayed — both to others and to themselves.
  2. Get a make-over. This includes both clothing and a new haircut/style. Consider also a skincare consultation and lesson. It’s time for an update.
  3. Record yourself delivering your elevator speech using action words. Start practicing talking about your experience. Who are you? What makes you incredible? If you’re the youngest in your peer group, what do you bring to the table if it’s not years of experience?
  4. Apply for the awards. Many of my clients think they have to be nominated. The truth is, lots of people nominate themselves or ask a colleague to nominate them. Some hire a person like me to write up their nomination. You’ve done great work– put yourself out there!

What will happen as you stand in your power again

These seem like basic things, but they make a big difference in your mindset. You’ll start to see yourself as a leader again, and others will take notice.

But that’s only half the battle when it comes to amplifying your thought leadership. We also need to talk about the specific tactics to keep your audience and make sure they remember your messages. I address that in my weekly newsletter focused exclusively on public speaking and media interview tips. To get the next issue in your inbox, subscribe here.

These are challenging times. Your team needs you to be a leader now. But, to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more tips for strengthening your mindset so you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training for health care professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in health care. Check it out even if you’re not in health care. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

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