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Feeling resistant to something? Trust your gut and see good things happen

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If you have resistance to something this morning, trust your gut and know you feel that resistance for a good reason.

Sometimes we think we must push through, forcing something to happen. I fight this daily now. When I used to force things to go exactly as I wanted them to, even while facing resistance, it usually came at a high cost.

We celebrated Easter a week early. It was my daughter’s third birthday last week. Since my mom was flying in from Florida, I piggybacked Easter right onto the weekend, celebrating Zofie’s birthday on Saturday and Easter on Sunday morning before my mom, sister, and brother-in-law flew out Monday morning.

It was my first time hosting a “grown-up” holiday meal.

My dad died six months ago.

Typically, my parents would have hosted Easter.

This year, I was hosting.

The old me, the one who wanted to control everything and be the absolute best, would have stressed out over every detail of Easter brunch. She would have insisted on every detail remaining the same to honor my parents. Oh, and I didn’t mention: my mother is now blind. She gradually lost sight over the past ten years and cannot see now. So as I mourn the loss of my father and my mother’s ability to see my daughter and her only granddaughter and take her usually active role as the leader of our family, I wanted things to be safe and perfect for her.

The newer me, who I’ve been working hard to become by focusing on my mindset, decided to approach this meal differently. I decided if I felt resistance to something, I would listen to my gut and back off that thing.

I still put my all into planning a wonderful holiday meal. But I also relaxed with many things the old Kathryn would have obsessed over. The things I let go of included:

  • Not attempting to learn how to make Pierogi. I haven’t been in charge of this in the past and knew it would be a huge undertaking to learn.
  • Not making the traditional lamb cake, even though my mom had brought the cake mold for it in her suitcase from Florida. On Saturday night, we decided the leftover cake from Zofie’s birthday would enough.
  • Not running all over the city to find nitrate-free Easter sausage, even though I couldn’t eat the sausage. I don’t even think this exists.
  • Not making my great-grandmother’s Easter bread, which my father had beautifully mastered. It took my dad a long time to perfect this recipe, and this was not the year to add this to my plate. Maybe one of my sisters will take this on. Or maybe not!
  • Not polishing the silver. Clean was good enough for me this time around. I was not going to rush around as my father did each holiday, polishing the silver. Nor would I push my husband to take this on. Clean is enough.
  • Not hiding eggs for my daughter to find. Zofie had her egg hunt this morning, the actual day of Easter. I didn’t want to force/rush that either.
  • Not insisting on my daughter’s afternoon nap, which I’m usually a stickler about each day. She would be fine if she missed it. I didn’t want to rush brunch to fit into her nap schedule.
  • Not doing the dishes right away. A pile of dishes on the counter for a few hours wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

In choosing not to do these things, I trusted that there was a more significant reason that I had felt resistant to them. Very quickly, the reasons became obvious.

  • By not making Pierogi or the lamb cake, I had free time on Saturday night to connect with my husband, who would be leaving the next afternoon for a work trip to Washington, D.C. Our time together helped us stay calm and centered during the next busy morning.
  • By not running all over the city or specially ordering nitrate-free sausage just because I do not eat nitrates, my mom and I had a memory of shopping at an authentic Polish deli. It was fun navigating in a Polish-speaking store. I have many memories of doing this as a child. It was better for me. Even though I didn’t eat the actual sausage myself, my family enjoyed the authentic flavors they love.
  • By not polishing the silver at the last minute as my dad had, I didn’t upset my mom, who admitted that day how much his routine used to stress her out at holiday meals.
  • By not making my Dad’s Easter bread, I made space for the memories we have of his perfect bread. Since I’m not a baker, my bread wouldn’t have tasted like his, and it could have been upsetting to all of us that he is no longer with us.
  • By not having the egg hunt or doing the dishes right after the meal, I spent more time with my family and stayed present when I said goodbye to everyone.
  • Since it was a warm day — a rarity in Chicago in early April — I took my daughter to the playground after my husband left for his flight. Now I’ll always have the happy memory of playing with my 3-year-old on the swing on a beautiful afternoon day instead of wasting the sunlight doing the dishes.

As I played with her, I reflected on what a perfect holiday meal it had been. It turned out that everyone felt the same way, as I got texts from every member of my family telling me what a good time they’d each had. I could not have planned for a better outcome if I had tried, so I’m glad I decided to do less.

The truth is, less often leads to so much more.

More time doing what we love.

More time sharing our gifts with people we care for and who care for us.

More time making memories.

As thought leaders, we need to remind ourselves of this. It can be tempting to say yes to everything — the proposal, the new gig, the big client, the huge interview. But if we feel resistance to it, we must learn to listen to it and honor it.

My business coach frequently reminds me that it’s not necessarily procrastination if we keep putting something off. Instead, there could be a deeper reason when things aren’t coming together effortlessly.

Maybe there’s a better client for us waiting in the wings. Perhaps we’ll need to take time off unexpectedly and will later cancel that speaking engagement. Or maybe we need to bring our 3-year-old to the park so that her earliest memory is of her mom, smiling and gently pushing her on the swing on a beautiful afternoon day.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Your reaction is your reputation: How to keep your cool when the heat is on

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I was at a dinner party recently with eight other Chicago women. My lawyer hosted it.

When one woman arrived (also a lawyer), she had a Starbucks in her hand and joked, “Who walks into a dinner party with her own coffee?” More on her in a second.

Last week, my toddler had a meltdown in Costco when I wouldn’t let her out of the shopping cart to walk around. I knew I couldn’t let her out to reward her behavior, but she got louder and louder. My husband and I quickly looked at each other, and quite honestly, I gave him the “I’m going to explode” look. And then, my daughter gave me a look that said, “What are you going to do now?” I was embarrassed but more frustrated at her lack of awareness that the store was packed and walking around was not the best option (I know, she’s three.). I took a deep breath. I need her to see healthy ways to handle stressful situations. I want to give her better coping mechanisms and stress management tools than I learned as a child.

I know how I react during stress is how my daughter will perceive me and, in her case, what she’ll copy.

Now back to my lawyer friend who walked into our dinner party with a Starbucks coffee. Two hours later, after the chef presented our main course, my friend mentioned quietly to the two women directly next to her at the table that she was jumping a man’s car before coming over and didn’t have time to shower, do makeup, etc. It only came up because we talked about how we could all make a more significant impact and show our kids how to help our community.

She didn’t walk into the party apologizing for her lack of makeup. She most definitely could have. She just arrived. Calm. With her coffee. It was only later that we heard there was an issue.

What a difference it would have made if she had rushed in dramatically, telling us the story and apologizing to the other women there.

Your reaction is your reputation.

Your reputation with your team, boss, friends, and your family.

Who’s watching you?

What will they remember about you during moments of stress?

People will remember you for who you are in moments of extreme stress. That’s why we have to own that our reaction is our reputation.

How do we prevent a big blow-up and keep our cool?

  1. Take a deep breath through your nose. Make the exhale longer. Use downregulation breathing.
  2. Take time to work out each day. Just MOVE your body.
  3. Put yourself in their shoes; ask yourself why are they coming at you? What might be happening for them that you don’t know? Find your common ground.
  4. Write your thoughts down to get them off your chest, then step away and give it 12 hours. If you think it still should be written, then send it.

We are judged in split seconds.

We can’t control that, but we can control how we show up in those moments.

What is your reputation?

Your team needs you to be a leader. But to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more ways you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training program for healthcare professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in healthcare. Check it out even if you’re not in healthcare. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Feeling beaten down? How to find your power again as a leader

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We all have seasons in our careers where we’ve been knocked down. It might be getting laid off, having a toxic boss, or losing a business.

The question is: Will you get back up? And if so, how do you start?

One of my clients received a significant industry award this week.

When we started working together a year ago, she felt beaten down and invisible.

She did incredible work inside a big-name university hospital – but she was hiding. She was told she wasn’t good enough and started believing it.

A year later, a huge medical association and the universities she graduated from are recognizing her incredible work.

How I learned to get back up after getting beaten down

I get how this feels and how hard it is to overcome.

Twelve years ago, I was hired by a network to do a specific job: increase and improve output from a team. I got it done. But, I dented some furniture as I did it and was fired.

After starting my company, I let that weigh me down. As a result, it took me a few years to go after some of the biggest projects and clients.

I’m now training leaders in Fortune 100 companies.

How to begin standing in your power again

We are our own worst enemies, reliving something terrible that may have happened years ago. Often, we don’t even know we’re reliving it. We think we’re fine, but trauma is tricky to navigate, and something as simple as a phrase can trigger us, bringing us back to that moment when we felt small.

I hired business coaches.

I also work with a trauma-informed therapist (she helps many of my clients now).

They helped me overcome experiences of my past.

In addition to exploring your past traumas, I recommend practicing self-care for your career. Here’s a few things to include:

  1. Update your LinkedIn profile. Many people I’ve worked with leave it frozen in time as if they’re stuck in that moment when the terrible thing happened. And yet, they’ve done incredible things that need to be publicly displayed — both to others and to themselves.
  2. Get a make-over. This includes both clothing and a new haircut/style. Consider also a skincare consultation and lesson. It’s time for an update.
  3. Record yourself delivering your elevator speech using action words. Start practicing talking about your experience. Who are you? What makes you incredible? If you’re the youngest in your peer group, what do you bring to the table if it’s not years of experience?
  4. Apply for the awards. Many of my clients think they have to be nominated. The truth is, lots of people nominate themselves or ask a colleague to nominate them. Some hire a person like me to write up their nomination. You’ve done great work– put yourself out there!

What will happen as you stand in your power again

These seem like basic things, but they make a big difference in your mindset. You’ll start to see yourself as a leader again, and others will take notice.

But that’s only half the battle when it comes to amplifying your thought leadership. We also need to talk about the specific tactics to keep your audience and make sure they remember your messages. I address that in my weekly newsletter focused exclusively on public speaking and media interview tips. To get the next issue in your inbox, subscribe here.

These are challenging times. Your team needs you to be a leader now. But, to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more tips for strengthening your mindset so you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training for health care professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in health care. Check it out even if you’re not in health care. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

Speaking to a group? 5 questions to empower yourself and be less nervous

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Whenever we’re speaking — whether it’s to our internal teams, to clients, during an online webinar, at an event, or in the media — developing a solid mindset is critical to presenting powerfully and memorably.

But that needs to happen before we even step into the room, be it virtual or in real life. And it’s on you to make it happen.

Often, I see speakers act passively as soon as someone invites them to speak. Maybe they’re struggling with imposter syndrome. Perhaps they don’t want to be perceived as a diva or high maintenance. Or they don’t know they have the right to ask questions to prepare them for the event.

If you’re about to speak and do not have all the information about your audience or the event itself – you’ll be more nervous, and the audience won’t get the total value of what you can give. That’s a waste of your time.

Why mindset is essential to being prepared to speak

We cannot create a presentation in a vacuum. It doesn’t make a powerful lesson for the audience – and it makes us more nervous. You can command the room before the room even exists. And how do you do that? By asking these 5 questions of the session organizers.

Who is the audience? Mainly female? Male? Doctors? Customers? Vendors? What is their level of understanding? Should you explain certain concepts? The audience information helps you reach them more effectively. You’ll be more memorable and more likely to accomplish the mission of your talk if you speak to your specific audience.

How many have confirmed so far? This is particularly helpful when presenting a live webinar. Are you talking to dozens? Hundreds? Will this be recorded and sent around to thousands? This is important to know so you can avoid sounding dated when the majority of the audience is listening. For example: you may want to avoid saying, “Good morning!” if the majority of the audience watches later.

Will we have a handheld or lav mic? If you’re speaking on stage, you’ll want to practice your body language. Knowing if you’ll be holding a mic or if one will be attached to you is important. It’s also helpful when making wardrobe decisions. There are outfits that make it more difficult to attach a lavalier mic. If you get there and have to make a last-minute clothing change, that can mess with your mindset minutes before jumping on stage. Ask the question before you get there.

Are we sitting? What kind of chairs do you expect on stage? Barstools can be a speaker’s worst enemy. How will you sit? Will you stand and lean? If you’re wearing a dress or skirt that’s shorter… a barstool is going to make you feel pretty uncomfortable. Know before you go so you can alter your wardrobe. You can even ask to change to regular chairs. You’re not a diva. You’re empowered to make you and your fellow presenters more effective.

Is there makeup? Or are we doing our own? You’ll need at least a little powder so you’re not shiny on stage. I was on a big stage a few days ago training executives before their annual meeting. Some had makeup, others didn’t. You could tell. Those without powder looked nervous. Know beforehand if you’ll need to take care of this yourself.

Why mindset is only part of the solution

If you have all the information before speaking, you will create a more valuable presentation for the audience – because you’ll know who the audience is! Plus, you’ll feel much more comfortable about your content.

I hope this helps you become more empowered to ask the right questions, so you show up with more focus, clarity, and energy.

But that’s only half the battle when it comes to amplifying your thought leadership. We also need to talk about the specific tactics to keep your audience and make sure they remember your messages. I address that in my weekly newsletter focused exclusively on public speaking and media interview tips. To get the next issue in your inbox, subscribe here.

These are challenging times. Your team needs you to be a leader now. But, to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more tips for strengthening your mindset so you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training for health care professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in health care. Check it out even if you’re not in health care. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

How do you communicate when you’re stressed out? 3 wellness tips to practice today

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This is an emotional time.

We could be approaching WWIII, and you might be feeling many things intensely.

This morning, I’m sitting in a hotel room getting ready to help clients present on stage during their annual meeting, and it’s hard not to be distracted by the news.

If you’re in a high-pressure job, you need to be “on” despite everything happening around you. Maybe you’re coming out of a tense finance meeting or just performed surgery – and you need to lead a webinar or do a keynote.

It could also be personal. You could have a sick child, or you just finished helping your parent move into a care facility.

You need to be “on” to be the leader your team needs, but you’re not sure how you’re going to keep going forward and commanding the room–be it on Zoom, in a conference room, or auditorium packed with 5,000 people. The audience will know if you’re not 100% present.

Why mindset is key to being a great communicator

The key to being a great communicator is the right mindset. I’ll be talking about that every week–empowering you to show up as the leader you are or aspire to become.

First up, let’s talk about overall wellness. While I’m not a medical expert, many of my clients are physicians – and I listen closely. Plus, I know firsthand what happens when I don’t take care of myself.

Here are my three tips that I train my clients to follow – and that I try to practice every day:

Exercise → Get out all that nervous energy. You will not be motivational, inspirational, or present if you have all the unneeded nervous energy going on in your head. Some of the most prominent thought leaders I train exercise each day. They know the science behind it and have felt their lives drastically improve because of it.

Especially on days when you’re performing in front of an audience – walk your dog, hit the Peloton, or do yoga. It doesn’t have to be a 45 minute HIIT class. It just has to be something that gets out the extra anxious energy each morning. Even better if you can add at least five minutes on a meditation app.

Stop sugar → Lower your anxiety. I train people worldwide, and the one thing that gets the most grunts from audiences is when I mention avoiding inflammatory foods. They just can’t handle it. Some of the most successful people I work with changed their lifestyles and now perform at a much higher level.

Sugar causes inflammation in your body. More inflammation leads to more anxiety (and a host of other issues like dementia). Curb your inflammation, and you’ll have less brain fog and anxiety – and become a more inspirational thought leader. If you’re anxious about world events or something going on personally – it’s even more important to cut out inflammatory foods.

Breathe → Slow down and make others less anxious. Sometimes we breathe more rapidly when we’re nervous, making our audiences anxious. If we relax and change our mindsets — we put our audiences at ease, and they’re more likely to trust our information. Before you walk on stage or start an online webinar, take a deep breath to reduce your cortisol levels and lower your heart rate. But let’s be very specific here. It’s a deep breath in from your nose, and then a longer exhale out of your nose. Do not fall prey to rapid breathing. Slow it down.

Look up these two experts for the science behind it: James Nestor and Wim Hof. I’m grateful that my personal trainer introduced me to this. It’s helped me personally and professionally. I can handle intense situations much better now.

Why mindset is only part of the solution

Doing those three simple things every day will empower you to show up with more focus, clarity, and energy. But that’s only half the battle when it comes to amplifying your thought leadership.

We also need to talk about the specific tactics to keep your audience and make sure they remember your messages. I address that in my weekly newsletter focused exclusively on public speaking and media interview tips. To get the next issue in your inbox, subscribe here.

These are hard times. Your team needs you to be a leader now. But, to be there for them, you must take care of yourself first. I’ll be back next week with more tips for strengthening your mindset so you can communicate with power no matter the situation.

P.S. Want more tips? Be sure to sign up for my LinkedIn newsletter where you’ll get exclusive tips on strengthening your mindset to become a better communicator. Click here to subscribe to Thought Leaders Amplified on LinkedIn.

P.P.S. I created a training for health care professionals who need to discover their message and story, deliver it clearly, succinctly, and confidently, and present in a way that intrigues, entertains and keeps the audience’s attention. Share it with your friends in health care. Check it out even if you’re not in health care. The tips and tricks are universal. Click here to learn more.

P.P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are three more ways I can help you build your brand, own your voice, and stand out:

  1. Want more tactical advice you can implement today? Check out my blog here for great articles, stories, and lessons I’ve shared over the years.
  2. Looking for one-on-one coaching or a consultation with me? Schedule a complimentary call here to speak to our team about how we can help you.
  3. Follow me on Instagram here for more media and public speaking tips, videos… and a little fun.

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